Also known as: jowill89
John spontaneously emerged from a shoe once owned by David Crosby in an alley behind a Polish restaurant in the late eighties; his birthday is actually unknown. In fact, due to an unfortunate ice skating accident, he suffered amnesia and has no inkling of his life prior to last Thursday (it's a chronic disorder that flares up only on Wednesday evenings). He once met a writer who had stalked him since birth and was willing to give him a written account of his forgotten life, but, upon sitting down to craft the memoir, the writer was quickly distracted by a recording of his new favorite band, a new Armenian bluegrass/hip-hop blend group called Winston Churchill Presents, airing on the radio. The ecstasy afforded him by the music moved his soul and he found higher truth. Not wanting his secret to be revealed, God inflicted an Old Testament swarm of locusts upon his home, by which he was quickly devoured. Having learned to live with his debility, John now attends the University of Georgia.
